Her cancer had come back.

She had been cancer free for over five years and now it was everywhere.

I returned home to be with my dying mom.

One day she was turning over in bed and we heard a loud snap – we called the hospice nurse and she suggested taking her into the hospital – we called an ambulance.

bluedream 4 from Inside the Belly of the Whale by LLGriffin
Blue Dream #4 by LLGriffin

She had broken her arm and didn’t even realize it.

I didn’t want to know it at the time, she was very close to death – but I probably did know it

They fixed her arm and sent her home

Then a few days later her breathe was labored

I watched the life drain from her – she became blue.

Her end was my beginning

Blue Dream #8 from the art Inside the Belly of the Whale by LL Griffin
Blue Dream #8 by LLGriffin

After she died, I had a series of haunting night dreams, the kind that make you sit up in bed.  I was compelled to do something with those images from my dreams.

The series of images I created were blue images and they were one section of a big body of work call Inside the Belly of the Whale

It’s been over 28 years since my mom died, I’ve spent that time thinking, talking, researching, creating, observing and creating artwork. Wondering what is grief, death and life is and how I and we all deal with it all. 

Realizing 

There is no escaping the harshness of life.

There’s no escaping the timing

And there’s absolutely no way around the tragedy of living

We all walk around with unresolved grief, loss and trauma

What we do with our pain and how do we hold beauty and the pain of life at the same time?

I’ve come to believe that art inspired by and created from hurt and pain can touch us in ways that we never thought it could.  At the same time, such art may make it easier to face and learn to be with our own pain.  

This journal is a journey

Let it help you on your path.

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